Saturday, January 14, 2023
Life, Death & Gratitude
The Rev. Rob Stevens
Pettiness has a hard time getting a foothold in my life. It’s not that I’m “above all that” or too holy or pious to be petty, but rather my vocation regularly reminds me of the fragility of life. Death has a way of doing that. One of the true gifts of my life is the privilege of celebrating people’s lives in the context of our Burial liturgy. Yes, it is often sad, but at no other time am I more aware of the goodness of people and the love of God.
This week I will preside at two funerals. They will be very different. One is a person who had a long battle with a disease and the family is very sad, yet also relieved that their beloved is no longer suffering. The other is a person who died suddenly and tragically. Shock, pain and disbelief are constant companions for the family and friends of this person. Yet, in both instances we will gather and celebrate life. And one thing that I know is the church during those services will be filled to the brim with love; and that is why I am so fortunate. I do not go very long without being at a funeral. Therefore, I do not go very long without being surrounded by a love greater than death. So, pettiness just doesn’t stand much of a chance. Out of this knowledge, gratitude grows.
Exploring one’s mortality is not something at the top of most people’s list of things to do. However, I suggest that it is precisely in examining one’s mortality that life begins to take shape and flourish. When I was a college junior at Florida State University and the priesthood was not even an idea, let alone a reality I took a class “On Death and Dying” It was based on Kubler-Ross’ acclaimed book by the same name. In this class we had to write our own eulogy. It was, and remains, one of the best assignments I have ever completed. Pondering how you want to be remembered cuts through a lot of the pettiness of life and reveals priorities, purpose, values and passions that may remain hidden without digging. I offer this exercise to you. I still do this from time to time. It reminds me of what I should give my time to and what I should let go. It helps me to be truly alive and live consciously rather than merely existing. It reminds me that life is a gift to be lived to the fullest, or to quote Jesus, “live abundantly” (John10:10).
One of the byproducts of contemplating our life AND death is gratitude. I do not think I have ever left a funeral without an overwhelming sense of gratitude. This gratitude definitely comes from witnessing love on such a grand scale. It also comes from witnessing the many hands and hearts that make the funeral happen. From volunteers, who do everything from preparing the altar to facilitating the reception, I am humbled and deeply grateful for the gift of being a part of a community that honors, celebrates and loves life…even (and perhaps especially) in death. These moments are like fertilizer for gratitude!
So if you want to be grateful and live wide-awake I have two suggestions:
1. Go to funerals
2. Write your eulogy
Thank you for being the community that surrounds me with love beyond comprehension.
from the Commendation in the Burial Office
Book of Common Prayer (pg. 499)
“You only are immortal, the creator and maker of humankind; and we are mortal, formed of the earth, and to earth shall we return. For so did you ordain when you created me saying, “You are dust, and to the dust you shall return.” All of us go down to the dust; yet even at the grave we make our song: Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.”