Wednesday, June 24, 2020
Jocelyn Philbrook
Turn
Everyone has a superpower. Mine happens to be positivity with a bias for action. I can generally find the good in any situation or see a way to get to a decent outcome. Unfortunately, every good superpower has its kryptonite and COVID-19, or 2020, or the combination of the two has challenged the way I see the world.
My brother fell ill four years ago with a strange autoimmune / autonomic disease. I’ve spent years searching for an answer and I thought 2020 would be the year I cracked this with a new expert agreeing to see him.
2020 has been more like a bad country song than a turning point. My step-father died suddenly of a heart attack. My brother’s disease spiraled, and they decided to try one last “Hail Mary” treatment. Then COVID-19 hit, which meant medical care is really hard. It also means my youngest sister with Cystic Fibrosis is locked away. For my middle sister, the economic realities of owning a restaurant during a global health pandemic were a huge surprise. And, just to add a little extra, our beloved family dog died. I have to admit, my superpower feels questionable.
Yes, I have three amazing children that are a gift I am thankful for daily. The pandemic has forced my immediate family to spend more time together. Amelia thrived in a remote learning environment. I loved learning more about the person she is now and becoming. Connor likely needed this time more than anyone. He didn’t learn anything he would have in preschool, but he is stronger and happy. Henley, now three, was initially annoyed by everyone in space and is now very confident. They are the antidote to the kryptonite, but not completely.
I think many of us can see the positives and God's light working through the clouds surrounding our lives. Everyone has their own story with 2020, and many are much harder than mine. For me, there is actually nothing I can physically do to fix things. A hard reality for this doer. I can’t find an answer to heal my brother or protect my sister from COVID and loneness, and I can’t cast away loss from losing someone we all love. None of us can change events beyond our control, and there are times when I can’t find a positive view. Sometimes it just hurts.
The last sermon I heard from Anne before services went remote was about choosing life. I've honestly thought about it A LOT over the past few months. It is very easy to fall into negativity. There are lots of reasons to feel alone and pessimistic. And then, that bud of hope presents itself. What if you turn toward love and God instead? It isn't easy, and I'm the first to admit it, but what if we embrace hope.
When I turn toward God, my view starts to shift, and I feel my superpower turning. Yes, my step-father died, but he enjoyed every moment of his love affair with butter and fried foods. My sister is safe, works seamlessly from home for a fantastic organization, and is an expert video conferencier. My restaurateur sister had an initial hit, but she is building back and making it work. Our family dog was loved for 12 great years. My brother is a little trickier, but I'm thankful he is here now.
I can't claim to be constant sunshine. I have no idea what is ahead or when I'll be able to soak up the energy from our incredible church community. I love the calm feeling that cascades over me whenever I walk into a church and can't wait for the mental clarity that will come from reentering St. John's. While I look forward to those days ahead, I know right now amid challenging times – I am not alone. I am very purposefully turning to God, love, and light. It turns out that is the actual antidote to any kryptonite.
When I see you all next, I’m looking forward to hearing your superpower.
Lots of love,
Jocelyn