Friday, October 9, 2020
Tara Phillips Remember
The timing was perfect when Rob asked if I wanted to write a reflection on “REMEMBER.” We were celebrating our eldest daughter’s 14th birthday.
It was a day of remembrance. Reliving all the stories of her “FIRSTS.”
You were too young to remember when you came to the hospital to meet Emma but you did not know what to make of her. Remember when you learned to ski at Cochran’s? Remember when you mastered riding your bike? The beaming, all-encompassing smile on your face, when you realized I let go and you were pedaling away with no guiding hand.
Our girls love talking about and hearing these life stories, but as a Mom they also come with a longing. The “little being” I delivered into this world is venturing further out and away with every passing year. It is a constant letting go and holding on. Bittersweet.
This time of year also marks other life-changing and shaping events. I just celebrated 16 years of marriage with Graham, while the loss of my mother, 7 years ago, still feels like yesterday. These “Anniversaries” of sorts also remind me life is bittersweet. There are moments of laughter, joy, surprise, pain, loss, regret, pride, and beauty. They all mingle together when I REMEMBER.
Remembering our snowy Labor Day wedding in Colorado, I see the long journey that brought Graham and me together. I feel the excitement of the new life ahead of us. Now older and hopefully wiser, we take pride in navigating the bumps along the way, knowing they make us stronger and better. Remembering the good times is essential but acknowledging the difficult ones is too.
The punch in the gut feeling that comes when I remember reading the story “My Mommy Hung the Moon” to my mother as she took her last breath. Then the solace in knowing I was with her in the end. The fear I will someday forget the sound of her voice. Wanting to bury the sad memories of her struggle with MS and recalling her strength and resolve in not letting the disease limit or define her life.
For me, remembering is to experience the full spectrum of emotion in the recall. Honoring my truth.
In these troubling times, we all want to Remember When...
We use to go to the movies and out for dinner.
We went to concerts and sporting events.
Our kids played sports and had indoor sleepovers.
We had ski weekends and trips with friends.
We gathered at St. John’s.
Bittersweet because I feel blessed to have such memories to look back upon, given all the suffering around us. We need to collectively Remember and share all the many acts of kindness we have witnessed during this time and what we may want to forget or bury…
The overwhelming loss of life
How isolation felt
Fear for the health and safety of our loved ones
The anger and violence erupting across our country
Missing our family and friends
The uncertainty and instability
This is how we become better and stronger. Our children and grandchildren will ask questions. They will want to hear our stories and understand what it was like and what happened. We need to remember and to honor the truth of our experiences for them.
P.S. I remember doing "the Wave" at St. John's for Christmas Mass and everyone singing their hearts out to "Got Tell It on the Mountain". The energy, joy, and power of community is palpable in those moments. While we may not be able to gather in person this year, I hope we can gather in spirit, outside, or on "Zoom" for a rockin' Wave and a resounding Go Tell it on the Mountain. One of my Christmas wishes.