Monday, September 14, 2020
Donna Murphy
Grow
When I hear the word grow my mind turns to the poem, Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Lew Nolte. Many years ago, just prior to the birth of my daughter my Nana gave me a copy of the poem. I kept a copy displayed in my home and over the years revisited it many times, in particular during times of stress and unrest and times when I was feeling I was not meeting my expectations of being a parent. The poem resonated with me not only as a parent but also in my interactions with family, friends, and strangers.
Seven years ago, I became a Nana when my daughter blessed me with a beautiful granddaughter. I am fortunate to be a part of her life every day. I am also blessed with the presence of my friend’s two granddaughters, ages seven and two, as our families enter our third generation of friendship.
In March of this year, one week after the celebration of her seventh birthday, I arrived at home from work with my computer, cell phone, and other necessities to perform my professional duties not knowing when I would return to the office. I read and watched the news daily becoming overwhelmed with reports of the virus. I became fearful of the outcome and went into my pragmatic mode and focused on how I was going to keep my family safe. I began to disinfect everything, reminding my husband, daughter, and her family to be sure to wear a mask, wash your hands, keep a distance from others. While verbalizing and displaying my fear in the presence of my family I was growing the seeds of fear of my granddaughter. I remained in this “fight or flight” mode for a time until my wise daughter reminded me what my Nana shared with me so many years ago. I have a choice. I can grow fear or I can grow love.
As I spend time with these three beautiful children and their parents, they remind me that change begins with me. They remind me of the responsibility I have to me, to them, to my family, to my friends, and to my community to grow the seeds of love, acceptance, compassion, caring, respect, hope, and trust to make this world a better place. Through them I have learned to let go of my fear of what could happen and return to the present. How joyful to be with them in the moment as we swim, ride bikes, read, create, and celebrate the new skills they learn. I still disinfect everything and remind them to wash hands, distance, and wear a mask when needed. It is now done with laughter and the wise words of two seven-year old girls who often say to me, “Nana, you worry too much about us, we will be fine.” As I watch them grow in love, I see they are right. We will be fine.
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
Dorothy Lew Nolte