Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Tuesday in the Fifth Week of Lent

Beth Wade

The Collect

Almighty God, through the incarnate Word you have caused us to be born anew of an imperishable and eternal seed: Look with compassion upon those who are being prepared for Holy Baptism, and grant that they may be built as living stones into a spiritual temple acceptable to you; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Readings: Numbers 21:4–9, John 8:21–30 & Psalm 102:15–22

For many years, on my wrist, I have worn a simple silver bracelet engraved with the words, “not all who wander are lost”.

Wander. I am a spiritual wanderer. Once, when asked by a colleague about my spiritual practice, I told her I was a Quaker, Evangelical, Catholic, Jewish, Episcopalian, Buddhist, Baptist. Baptized as an infant in a Congregational Church, confirmed in an Episcopal Church, baptized (again) in a Baptist Church, I attended a Catholic college, a Quaker Seminary, and with a Jewish best friend –attended synagogue and many Passovers. These immersions in a variety of spiritual traditions, stories and practices, have left me with a rich sense of the bitter and the sweet of our spiritual questing and relation to God. Just think of the experiences represented by the foods on a Passover Seder plate.

Impatience. Curiously, as I find impatience a most oft companion in my life/spiritual journey, it is here I most connect with the Israelites in Numbers 21: 4-9. Do you? Perhaps, too often I find myself wanting to get to the end of a thing, whatever that may be. Yes, I admit, I even feel it as I am writing this reflection. For me, therefore, and perhaps for you, it is comforting to learn that impatience can be a healthy, adaptive response, “triggered when we have a goal and realize its going to cost us more than we thought to reach it” and which can “motivate us to reduce the costs of reaching our goal or to switch goals.” (Psychology Today, November 2014). Could it be that one lesson of this story is that the Israelites needed to switch goals? Perhaps the journey is the goal, being open to being led by God and to trusting God, and not fixated on the destination--whether a promised Holy Land (or a completed devotional submission). And rather than rushing toward any final, static, end to be content, basking in the active, present opportunity,

Wonder. There is only a one letter difference in wander and wonder. Wandering is defined as a physical action and wondering is a mental activity. In Zen Buddhism a Koan is a paradoxical statement or question that is meant to exhaust one’s intellect and ego and meant to ready one for an intuitive or heart response leading to greater truths. Jesus often uses what could be described as Koans with his followers. Ultimately some “get it” and some don’t. I see this in John 8:21-30, and, in a sense, in the story of lifting up of the serpent in Numbers. Simply, I think the story is about looking to God from “where our help comes.” But I wonder, could there be even deeper, more hidden truths?

The liturgical year gives me opportunity to muse. I ask questions; I can wonder what all these stories mean to me as I enter fully into my faith journey. How can this story or tradition guide me as I work my way from my head down to my heart-home? Lent, especially, is a time where I find myself wandering along with Israel in its journey from captivity to freedom; and with the early followers of Jesus in death to life, from despair to triumph. And sometimes back again.

These days, as I consider recent events, it is easy to wander to the edge of despair. But it helps me to remember our history, as a people of God, our journey is not linear – but rather circuitous, meandering, filled with ups and downs, joys, gut-wrenching grief, mistakes and consequences, awe and surprise. Through it all we have continued to question and seek, and God has been faithful to respond making God-presence known. Understanding this, my journey continues; I am secure knowing I can wander and not be lost. And so, can you.

“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renewed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.” J.R.R. Tolkien