Saturday October 28, 2023
Mary Watts
Grief
My brother-in-law, Richard, died this morning. It was a long fight, five years of various illnesses, a double lung transplant and everything that goes with it. In the end, however, it was not those big, noticeable diseases that took him from us. It was skin cancer, a little spot that went undetected for an unknown time, was found, treated, forgotten. When next the melanoma appeared it was everywhere, had blown up like a bomb thrown into a building leaving nothing behind but devastation. Rick’s wife stood on her own personal wall during these years, particularly the last one, keeping him at home when hospice suggested a facility to deal with the pain and the other overwhelming symptoms of the cancer. Today she is grieving. And my heart is nearly broken for her. My husband died over six years ago of brain cancer and I kept him at home, too. I truly do know what she has shouldered up and born for the sake of her husband and her lovely family. Our entire clan grieves today.
There are dozens and dozens of scriptural references to grief and God’s way of helping us through it. I have lost so many people and am still here. Each death renews my grief, not just for the one who has most recently passed away, but for ALL of them. Each death brings back a flood of memories about all who have gone before. But I do not grieve for THEM. No, I grieve for me, still here, still struggling through this worldly life, tethered to an aging and sometimes failing body, awash in the news of wars and hatred (seemingly) almost everywhere, Israel the global focus today. Some years ago I realized that my departed friends and family do not need my grief. They have passed into the Light, are witness to the Glory of God. They have heard the angels sing! No grief required for those things. It is for me, left behind, often alone and sometimes lost, for whom I grieve today at Rick’s passing, and yet still rejoicing that his terrible pain has ended and he is at peace.
When next you pray for God’s mercy upon someone who is in extremis, I think God will understand if you ask, at the same time, for a little courage for yourself. When next you face the death of someone near and dear, recognize that the tightness in your chest is longing to see what they are seeing. Let yourself grieve as you may need but do so with the understanding for whom you grieve. Honor your feelings but do not mistake them. Many of us are at that “certain age” when our family and friends are dying much more often. We face the possibility of death every day. But we are given so many comforting words, promises if only we will wipe away our tears, find some reason for our continued presence in this life, and know that God is with us today, while Rick’s wife and daughter are resting, and always, each and every day.
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
John 16:22 So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.